Gravity Day 3

Greg soon found out big city courthouse workers have the same mentality as small town courthouse employees. The looks Greg received when he asked for the proper paperwork to fill out and move forward with divorce were enough to make even the most narcissist individual feel a sense of shame. He could see them whispering and brooding behind their cubicles as he stood there waiting for the lady to dig out the proper forms and explain the process for filling them out.   Greg's inner fears and insecure thoughts overrode his ability to listen and he missed most if not all of the lady's instructions for filling them out. Divorce, albeit a growing trend, is still frowned upon by many and a major topic in gossip circles regardless of what part of the country you live in or what slice of the economic pie you belong to.

The elevator ride back down to the courthouse ground level was far less eventful than the ride up. Gregory found himself in the midst of presumably a few high profile lawyers obnoxiously discussing their morning golf rounds. Greg used to enjoy golf, but hadn't picked up a club in years. Work was his life now. And soon, it would be what defined him. He was bound and determined that a divorce nor an unhappy marriage would define him. These papers were the ticket to his liberation, his independence and his first real chance at individuality. Jenna and Greg were married young. They had been companions from the start of adolescence. Neither had ever really had a significant other prior to their falling for each other. Their side by side seats in 6th grade science brought them together, and it was believed from that moment forward, they would remain together. Happy. Forever. Just like the storybook endings always read. Just like the movies. 

Greg caught a glimpse of Rosie dry mopping the shimmering marble floor in the foyer of the courthouse building. He couldn't run out of there fast enough. He had just met Rosie, but had already decided he didn't like her. She was nosey, blunt and obtuse. He didn't need another woman like that in his life. He was trying to free himself from this sort of criticism and openness. He wasn't about hang around and give her a chance to pipe up again. But it was too late, Rosie, with the prowess of a crouching tiger flagged Gregory down and gave him another earful. "You don't really think this is going to solve your problems do you.....ummm...I never did catch your name mister." 

"It's Greg thank you. Now if you could kindly let me be on my way I have some appointments I need to be at. Have a nice day Rosie." And Greg began the hour long drive back to his upscale home on the bay.

Gravity Day 2

Gregory finished his breakfast, grabbed his briefcase and headed out the door. There was no one to say good bye to. This hadn't happened since he and Jenna both had business trips land on the same week nearly two years go, but it felt like 15 to Greg. His love for his kids was a strong and special one. Though from the outside it may not have seemed it at times with as much time he spent at his job. The hour long minute commute to the courthouse left Greg with plenty of time to reflect on his kids and his relationship with his wife. There were a lot of things that drove Greg to a high level of success in the business world. Providing a secure life for his children was at the top of the list. Having a life of ease and not having to tell his kids "we don't have enough money for that" was another driving driving force. Gregory came from nothing. Raised in Detroit, the son of a Ford Factory worker, there were no video games, no going to movies and no luxury or entertainment of any kind. A bicycle fashioned from two broken ones and shared amongst two other siblings was a privilege to them. Success, happy well adjusted kids and nice things were a product of the rather large chip on his shoulder. 

Greg arrived at the San Diego County courthouse in what seemed like the blink of an eye. He had got caught up in all his memories and what brought him to this place. Gregory's elevator ride up to the Family Law Facilitator's office and his deep introspective thoughts were interrupted with a question. A short lady, with piercing eyes, a weathered face and all the lines of a life of struggle spreading across her face. Wearing her blue dress and apron. Her name tag said Rosie, and she spoke with a Hispanic accent. "You look as if you saw a ghost mister" she uttered with the confidence of a marriage proposal. There was an awkward silence for what seemed like minutes. Greg wasn't sure what to say. Was it that obvious he was having a hard time with this next step in his life? He felt so confident and convicted this was best for him and his kids. How could he look pale and scared. Greg, although feeling somewhat hesitant, answered quite candidly. "I'm actually on my way to the Family Law Facilitators office." Rosie wasted no time firing back. "Oh I see, one of those fellas. Divorce papers?" Greg feeling insulted piped up "pffft what's that supposed to mean?" Fired up enough that he spit when he spoke. "I should of known" said Rosie. "Good looking, nice suit.....how old is she?" Greg, shocked and flabbergasted at the audacity of a stranger, a janitor none the less, rolled his eyes and told her "have a nice day" as the elevator door slid open. Walked out, without looking back.

Gravity Day 1

Gregory woke to the sun rise exploding through his giant split paned picture window over looking the bay. The rainbow ribbon of orange colors was blinding. But he didn't want to look away. It was too beautiful to not appreciate. He didn't want this moment to end. This feeling. The appreciation of something so simple yet so complex. He felt shame thinking of the amount of times he had awoke and walked by that window on the way to grab some breakfast and not appreciated this very view. He and Jenna had lived there for 10 years. Most of them happy ones. He couldn't help but think back to the memories of designing this home from scratch. The hours of looking over pictures and blue prints. Jenna picking out all of her favorite kitchen designs. Him designing his garage with enough room to fit his dream cars. His mind turned to the birth of his first child, Corren. They never made it to the hospital. It happened here. In this house. Much of Corren's infant years are a blur to Gregory. He was married to his job as much as he was Jenna. Up early, home late.

It seemed he had lost sight of the important, simple and beautiful things in life. 

Gregory started to justify to himself, like anyone does, why he had taken for granted so many of life's simple moments. "I've been sleeping on the couch for weeks, that's the only reason I just started noticing that view. After all, my bedroom faces the north. How could I feel bad for that?"

Nothing was different outside. Out there in the world, it was business as usual. But in here, in Gregory's world, everything was changing. A major life shift was rising. He kept telling himself it was a season change in his life, but from all outside perspectives there was a storm brewing. Everyone else always sees it coming before you do.

Gregory had taken the day off of work. An occasion as rare as a Lunar Eclipse. After all it was hard work that led to that bad ass view of the ocean. This day off would be spent picking up and filling out the forms necessary to start the next season in his life. Greg had enough of living his life for others. Today he was setting out to pave his own path. From this day forward he was determined to write his own book. And having an entire day off would allow him the necessary time to set the wheels in motion. His life was about to change forever!

The Stealing Season

Time is my only gift to give 

It's winter again

I have to learn to love you 

all over again 

With each new season comes a new awareness 

An age old fear, I could at anytime perish 

For God so loved the world

but we will all, 

someday perish

Hope In A Painted Sky

don't take for granted your second chances

don't waste away her efforts to make amends

she may well be all that's left when all of this ends

you drown your sorrows in a sea of dreams

talk is cheap when she listens and believes

your empty promises like devalued currency

 

take a look around you, take a look behind you

don't let your past dictate your future

use its lessons to guide and remind you

if you so chose to believe and see

there's hope inside a painted sky

there's hope hidden behind her grey eyes

the dust is starting to settle

the smoke starting to clear

grab ahold of your life and let go of your fears 

take a look around you, take a look beside you

she's been there the whole time

quietly begging for only your heart

And the promise of another fresh start

Vanity In Vain

It's a patio meeting between two unlikely friends

Saved from the sun at an umbrella table. 

Beauty becomes her but she doesn't even know it

Too consumed chasing the looks

She incessantly applies protection from the very sun she is hidden from

Lipstick check and constant mirror glances 

Keep her in line with all her nervous apprehensions

They won't stay friends for long

Outside secular Beauty seems to chase away all the good souls with love inside and scars on the outside

Someday she will sit alone in the city catching the days last chapter, watching the sky above the skyline turn into a rainbow of reds.....only to miss the sunset

Wondering where her life went spent in an endless search for meaning and reason at the close of another shitty day

And worse yet the end of a season

It's her that changed not you

She's not coming back anytime soon

Maybe not ever

And all the chapters she missed while looking in the mirror can't be rewritten

They won't be relived or even remembered

She was vainly consumed with her vanity  And she can no longer hold on to that

The lines spread like cold cement cracks and the grays invade faster than the color that hides them

Beauty was all she invested in and now that's gone.

She's not sure if she ax hold on

God only knows of she will

Lincoln's Lesson

My three year old son Noah and I have established a routine of sorts. I'm a stay at home dad during the week and a business owner on the weekends. Most days during the week him and I take my youngest daughter to preschool. She goes half days at 12:30 so there is no bus service. 

Each day after we drop her off we swing over to the local thrift store to look for books and treasures. We almost always walk out of there with a box of books. Him and I usually stroll through there while I hold his hand up and down the flights of stairs between all the levels of the store. Today as we are walking through I feel a tug and a slow down by him. I knew he couldn't have dropped anything for he had brought nothing in with him. As I turn around to look I see him bent over picking up a penny. Something about that penny was fascinating to him. This event provoked my mind into trying to understand, from a fathers perspective what motivated or inspired him to pick up that penny and keep it. That penny had value to him in some capacity. He did not let go of it either. He was trying to put it in his pocket but I think my sense of urgency caused him to settle for a tight fisted clench. I have a bad habit of always being in a hurry even when it's not necessary. 

As we wrapped up our trip to town and headed home I started to really disect this whole penny incident. He had fallen asleep on the way home and still had that penny clutched tightly in his tiny little fist even in slumber.  All I could think was "I hope it was the glistening of the copper that was fascinating to him and not because he perceived value in that penny above other things." Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They see and observe most everything from the smallest routines such as how we put our shoes on to how we react when they drop and break one of the dishes. If we put on our right shoe first they will grow up thinking that's how you are supposed to put your shoes on. If we get upset over a broken dish they will grow up believing dishes are as important or maybe even more important than the feelings of the individual who broke said dish. Wether you are a parent, relative, daycare provider, teacher, coach or anyone who has regular contact wth children you are at the very least a role model and quite possibly even a hero to those kids. 

This way of thinking led me to fear that Noah had already started to see the importance money has taken in our society and worse yet in his own environment. He sees that we use these shiny things to make purchases, often times for stuff he finds fun like food, candy or juice. He sees when I keep all of my pocket change in a safe place of its own, away from all of the other crap in our home. It was as good as a reminder to me as any that he is always paying attention and a greater reminder that I need to be more aware of his little eyes and ears and what they take in. It also prompted me to remind others, that your kids or the kids you come in contact with are always paying attention. Take the time to take notice of who or what your kids are watching. It's probably you they are watching and it's probably you they want to be just like! Unless of course it's the god forsaken television that will swallow anyone's attention and often times their creativity too. But seriously, kids are always putting us on pedostols It's a powerful thought. And a humbling one.