You're never too old for your father to hold you

I don't want to ever forget today

Today I held my 14 year old AnnaLisa like I did when she was a baby

I looked over at her sitting on the couch after telling her she couldn't spend the night at a friends

I saw a little teenage disdain in her face

She hadn't been home more than ten minutes.

Just arriving from going to a movie with said friend

And said friend had spent the night at our house last night

She looked upset and a little angry

But my gut told me it wasn't me telling her no that was bothering her

I told her to come here

I was sitting in the recliner

I said "remember when I used to hold you as an infant and rock you when you were crying?"

She said "uh-huh"

I told her "You'll never be too old for daddy to do that"

And I pulled her close and put her in my arms and started rocking her. 

Her legs dangling off the side of the recliner

The rhythm and sway of us rocking away has always been peaceful

I asked her if she was mad I had told her she had to stay home,

She said "no, not really."

I asked her what was bothering her.

She broke down in tears, balling he eyes out

She saw her old boyfriend after the movie (her first boyfriend mind you)

She said it hurt to see him because she missed all the fun times they had.

She enjoyed hanging out and all of their conversations 

He broke up with her because she didn't want to have a physical relationship

And I'm to blame for that. I'm very adamant about her not being ready at her age for that.

I'm a little over protective. And I will continue to be. Her feelings are important to me. But her being hurt by a break up is far less for her to deal with long term than the potential for hurt that can come from an unstructured teenagers life and one that is free from guidelines

I feel bad she is hurting

But I don't feel bad for protecting her

Someday she will be very grateful

I actually feel she is grateful now

But I can see in her eyes that her heart hurts and she has some curiosity as to how different it would be, were she not to have rules

But I also see a peace in her eyes, knowing her daddy is protecting her heart, even if it means a little of it has to be broken by someone else